Un contretemps? “Your accent is so bad, I can barely understand you …”

She said to me: “Your accent is so bad, I can barely understand you and I really don’t want to talk to you in French.”

Had I just approached a random in the street, perhaps I would have given into her demand.  But were are both members of a free group, organised by people who enjoy all things French.  Those attending the group go there to speak French.  The group’s membership has no pre-requisite that you are a native French speaker; in fact at least a third of the group were English (speaking French as a second language, with varying degrees of fluency) and up to half of the group are non-native French speakers, from other parts of the world.

This lady then suggested to me that she had just been very rude.  I replied in French that  «  oui, mais je suis habituée aux Français et comment ils sont très direct ».  I tried to turn the negative experience into a positive (how English of me!), saying that she had helped me, because if she couldn’t understand me I would want to know that, so I can work on my pronunciation.  I explained that everyone has to start somewhere and that while I acknowledge that “je ne suis qu’un étudiante”, I was at the group because I’m trying to move from only using French passively to forcing myself to speak the language (and write in it to).

I used the phrase that I’d been taught by a French native speaker only a few weeks ago, to explain how I’ve been trying to consolidate and complete my learning: “combler les lacunes“.  She replied that my choice of expression was a weird way to explain what I’ve been doing over the summer.  Furthermore, she said I had mispronounced “lacunes”.

When I suggested that I am in the process of exploring and considering whether after having studied in Italy and France this autumn I should look for a job that makes use of my knowledge of French and Italian (note: I didn’t say a job where I would need to speak the languages fluently), she said in a very sarcastic manner “I wish you all the luck in the world that you should manage to find something”. 

I persisted and spoke in French.  I did this because I’m slowly coming to the conclusion that in order to speak a language I need to speak it, not just study it.   I read a very helpful article this week on Fluentin3months about how it’s better to study through a dozen or so examples – letting the brain work out the rules – and leave the serious study to verb drills etc.  https://www.fluentin3months.com/studying-will-never-help/

This summer I have indeed studied a lot of French.  I have dedicated the last three months to returning to the basics of the language and working through every single grammar lesson on the KwizIQ website.

This morning, I tried to put the lady’s words, attitude, advice and behaviour into context.  I did a lot of “googling”.  I went for a walk to the shops in order to buy milk, as I needed a break.  I wondered if when I study abroad this autumn I’m going to encounter similar (or worse) experiences and become a statistic, “c’est a dire” someone who ends up crying after a few days because it’s all too much to cope with.

I have heard many stories about French women’s attitudes to other women.  I’ve read novels about it.   I have myself experienced first-hand the so-called French bad attitude when dining in the Louvre in Paris.  I’m also familiar with the French habit of enjoying the debate for the debate’s sake, of how the light chat one might expect at a dinner parties can quickly become an academic discussion.  Having read hundreds of French newspaper articles, I am wise enough to know that it is the French style to discuss issues without necessarily arriving at a conclusion.  Ah, “les Français, ils aiment la philosophie…”

As a student who is only doing their best (and who is entering “(potentially) crocodile infested” new territory in order to force themselves to speak the language they are learning), it can be dispiriting (at the least – at the worst it could be the end of the road) to hear “you’re rubbish” with an intonation to the speaker’s language that suggests “you might as well give up, ha!”.

I should add a little context to the conversation I had, insofar as the behaviour of this French lady even deserves to be explained: she is currently looking for work; that afternoon she had had a job interview but not been offered the job.  Two minutes before I spoke to her, I’d seen her telling off the waiter in the restaurant because she hadn’t been happy with how he had spoken to her.  I dared to suggest to her that perhaps she was a little stressed because of her job interview.  Perhaps I was too English about it.  Perhaps she’s just a negative soul.

So what to do?

Give up and focus just on Italian or try, try and try again with the French?

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Further reading

https://www.quora.com/Why-do-people-always-criticize-English-speakers-for-speaking-French-with-a-bad-French-accent-but-pronouncing-words-correctly-but-its-considered-rude-to-criticize-people-with-a-bad-English-accent

https://www.frenchtoday.com/blog/how-to-learn-french/better-french-accent

https://www.wikihow.com/Do-a-Credible-French-Accent